Sunday, 29 May 2011

The Anti-Weekly: The Underwear Saga

For this weekly, I decided that I wanted to take an excerpt from an anecdote I've been working on, fashion- related, obviously. Yes, this topic may be weird. But just go with it: 
"In time, most people forget their firsts. After it a few years, it quickly becomes a blur; however, I still haven’t forgot. I’m not talking about sex- perverts, this is a fashion blog for crying out loud- I’m talking about my first pair of underwear. Yes, underwear. Strange topic, I know, but I really do feel that my first pair either exhibits my love for glamourous things at an early age or emphasize how much I love undergarments. The latter may be more applicable, since I just embraced a Victoria’s Secret sale with open arms and one of my favorite books was called The Princess and the Potty, but I will stick to the former for now.
Once upon a time, mini me graduated from diapers and was taking the big step, as a toddler or however old I was, towards adulthood: real underwear. My mom took me to some store, expecting me to pick some basic pair of underwear that was pink and had a princess on it or something. 
“Pick out whichever pair you’d like,” she must have said.
Of course, in my typical unconventional manner, I did not pick the pack of underwear that had each day of the week printed, as many children would’ve; I was so over Rebecca Black’s “Friday” pandaemonium before she was even born. Instead, I picked the following: a single pair of silky white panties with silver specs on them. I really don’t know who I was planning to impress at such a young age, but I loved them. They were way too big for me, since no youth company in its right mind would create such a pair, but my mom let me get them anyways. 
Hopefully, this fun anecdote doesn’t make me seem like a baby prostitute- yes, I just quoted Mean Girls- but an aspiring fashionista since basically the womb. When I was at the gym yesterday, I was thinking about my future weirdly enough. What do I want to be when I grow up? Better yet, who do I want to be when I grow up? In short, I want to be a fabulous glamazon. Due to my underwear situation, I felt as if I have been working on this goal all of my life. And that made my day. Except for when I actually looked for these iconic pair of undies and they’re officially missing. The moral of this story is:  don’t be afraid to let out your inner glamazon, regardless of your age, and save all of your clothes. Seriously, my mother had approximately seven Diane von Furstenburg dresses back in her heyday. Where are they now? “I don’t know,” says my mom. I’m still not over it."

Sometimes, writing about fashion experiences is just as much fun as looking at shows and copying trends. Speaking of looking at things, some of the looks this week were absolutely atrocious. They just couldn't slip under the radar, without a nice slap on the wrist from yours truly!  So, I have decided to make this weekly an Anti-Weekly! Yahoo! Before I get started, this blog is looking really ugly and boring (even in the writing form so I can't imagine how boring it must look for you). So I figured to throw a video in here for Fun. Literally, Fun. I'm obsessed with the band, Fun, and this song has been my jam lately. So enjoy:

And now, onto the Anti-Weekly! 
  • Uma Thurman at Cannes (Armani Prive): I'm really upset that something thing ugly would be worn at Cannes.  First of all, this dress is the most unflattering thing Uma Thurman could ever wear. I don't want to sound mean, but she kind of looks like a bloated whale. It's such a shame because she's so beautiful and the Cannes Film Festival is always a highlight of the red carpet calendar. A draped work of art of some-sort would've been a better idea. And the lack of accessories makes the unflattering aspects of this Prive even more prominent. The color is beautiful, but the silhouette and fit is seriously the worst.
  • Angelina Jolie at the Kung Fu Panda 2 Premiere (Michael Kors Collection): A major mistake, from bodice to skirt. It seriously looks like she stole this from a bag-person and threw it on quickly because she was running late (in this scenario, I'm assuming it was her turn to do the soccer carpool). Even though I'm more of a "Team Aniston" kind of girl, I have to admit that, usually, Angelina Jolie is quite a glamazon herself. But her makeup looks kind of weird on her, the hair looks like a country boy's haircut gone wrong, and the lack of jewels makes me sad. But all of these things seem  minuscule compared to the dress. The top is way too lose and baggy leather sort of freaks me out. I wouldn't mind overtly sexual silt if the hem was longer. THE HEMLINE WITH THE SILT IS SO AWKWARD. It looks like a Grandma's night out on the town. Bad, Angelina, bad.
  • Ke$ha at the Billboard Music Awards (I-Don't-Want-to-Know-and-am-glad-I-Don't): I never expect Ke$ha to make it on a regular Weekly or to rock my "Best Dressed" list, but I would like to call this rock bottom.  At the same time, however, I feel like there's not much I can say without being too mean. So I'll leave it at this:
Dear Ke$ha,
Your clothes are anything from Blah Blah Blah.
So please Take it Off, and hire a stylist.
  • Jenny from the Block at some American Idol gig (Michael Kors): This looks like a terrible costume at JLo concert. I hate this so much. I just hate how everything is so nude. A good pantsuit is awesome, but the styling is so wrong. First of all, she needs to STOP wearing nude: it's getting annoying.  And when wearing a pantsuit, it's imperative to either have a baggy or tight fit, not both. The area around the heels are not flared, but baggy; however, the leg is too tight for a pantsuit. I feel like it's hard to pick certain issues with this look because this whole thing is terrible.
  • Halle Berry at the FiFi Awards (Halston): Without a doubt, Halle Berry is stunning and this dress would have been tres chic if the skirt was long and straight. But the skirt of the dress is what made this onto the anti-weekly. It makes her look young, and not in a complimentary way. And those shoes? way too casual and way too tack. Not your best, Halle! 


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